- Apr 11, 2019
Last week I posted an instrumental song that I "wrote" for Kinga Bán. Her story touched me so much because I lost my own mother to cancer when I was 9 years old. Since then a lot of emotions were re-awoken inside of me, and then I realized something very interesting: today is my mother's birthday. And she died a day before her birthday, 23 years ago. Knowing that, I decided I wanted to continue to share a bit of my story through song. A while back I did a songwriting bootcamp that was run by Paul Arend, and in that time I completed this song that I had started many months before, that I'm going to share with you today.
As a child growing up with my sick mother and eventually losing her, there were so many things that missed... and I often wished to take the place of my other friends who had "normal" families. The loss, and the consequences of that loss, have followed me for many years... even until today. Because of that, one of my biggest fears was to one day have my own children experience the same thing. This is also partly why Kinga's story touched me so much... and yet in the midst of that fear and pain, God revealed something to me. He showed me: ME. Through all of the pain, struggle, tears, difficulty... I still turned out to be who I am today, a strong woman with a beautiful family, functioning (at least starting to) in my intended calling... I have joy in my heart and I love my life. So in spite of the life-shattering loss, God was there the whole time mending my heart and comforting me along the way. WOW.
That realization flooded my heart with gratitude and also hope. Because now I realize that no matter what happens, God is there and He truly is the Great Comforter. And as cliche as that might sound or come across, it's 100% true and I am the evidence of that. One of the lines from my song goes like this: "There were so many seasons, when I cried so hard I couldn't breathe. And I had so many reasons, to quit and give in to defeat. When I had no one to hold me, and my heart despaired-- yes, my heart despaired. Then Your love began to call me, oh You met me there."
I hope this song (demo... be gracious!) and my story encourages you today. Oh, and I decided to post this on my mom's birthday instead of her death-day, even though it's only one day difference-- because she lived and that is why I live... and I am living today because God lives. He truly, truly does.