Deep down inside, underneath the layers of insecurity and perfectionism... I really like to write. And part of me thinks I'm good at it, while the other fears that I'm too unoriginal or boring or (insert negative adjective here). That means I have to "force" myself to start writing a blog post 90% of the time. And after I start writing, I have to force myself to not delete it or edit it to death 99% of the time.
Since I'm a verbal processor, writing sometimes helps me discover what I really think about things. So after I write I usually feel really satisfied, in spite of the "forced" start. And of course it's always nice to hear encouragement from people who were touched by what I wrote. So there are definitely many benefits to it, if I could just GET OVER MYSELF. After forcing myself to start blogging today I looked at the title of my last blog and thought it was all too appropriate: "just do it". So here is part 2...
Yesterday at band practice one of the guys gave a really valid piece of advice. 'When you want to do something but feel insecure or unsure, just count down from 5 and do it.' He's been trying to encourage me to get out my comfort zone/cage to be more free while singing. It's obviously very hard for me- not because I don't have ideas or "impulses" to do something or step out, but because the insecurity and fear of failure (read: perfectionism) hold me back. But that piece of advice, which I still have to implement, proved really relevant. JUST DO IT. Count down from 5, and go.
[As I re-read what I've written now, this thing came to mind: it's not Kingdom living to allow insecurity, fear of failure & perfectionism to hold me back... so actually (this sounds really intense, but it's what comes up in me) it's a sin. It's a sin to allow myself to be held back by things which Jesus died on the cross to destroy. WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE.]
This is something I want to apply in so many areas of my life: blogging, performing, songwriting... but also in reaching out to people when God seems to highlight them, or sharing the impression I have from the Holy Spirit when I'm surrounded by people I deem "more spiritual" than me. It's also applicable to situations when I'm super mad or hurt by someone and I know the right thing to do is to forgive but my flesh just keeps screaming, "NEVEEEEEEERRRR!".
Count down from 5 and go. Just do it. Make the right choice. Endure the temporary pain for the long-term benefit. GO.