A few months ago I was lying in my bed, thinking. I felt overwhelmed by my messy house and all the unfinished tasks that seemed to hang on my shoulders. I didn't feel like a failure, but I felt like a non-successful person. Someone who always gets halfway and then stays there or moves on to the next thing. Finishing things was not my strong suit.
You could see it in my messy house. I would take something that needed to go somewhere else and because of laziness mostly, I would leave it somewhere halfway where it would sit in eternal thing-purgatory, never reaching it's final destination. I had a trillion dreams and ideas, but felt like most of them were impossible because of my lack of finishing ability. I would feel guilty after eating 17 cookies because I was overcome by my appetite and lack of self-control. Somehow I felt like I should be able to be victorious over these things, but I just didn't succeed again and again. I was 'surviving' at life and I was tired of it.
I don't remember my exact words, but that night in bed I prayed something like, 'God I know that discipline and self-control are some really weak points for me. And I have no idea how you're going to do it, but please help me out here.' I offered up my weaknesses to God and invited Him to help me. It's interesting that when we hide our weaknesses out of fear of rejection or criticism, we're actually keeping ourselves bound to that weakness. Because if we had the power to get out of it or grow out of it, we'd have done that a long time ago. And by refusing to let God (and others) into that area, we refuse the only thing that will actually help us. Shame and fear are big liars guys, let's be real here.
Anyways, after praying that prayer I had a dream. I won't go into details, but it was something like a marriage ceremony with a person who was very disciplined and organized. Of course I didn't take it literally, I'm married and I love my husband. But I felt like it was a sign that God heard my prayer and he was going to help me, bring me into covenant with discipline and self-control. Because it felt so impossible and I knew it was not in my strength, I really left it to God like, 'please do your thing, Papa.'
Now fast-forward a few months. I don't know how to explain it totally, there were several stepping stone processes along the way. Some directives that I had to embrace and choices I had to make. But seriously guys, I'm becoming a disciplined person with self-control. No like, for reals. I set goals. I meet those goals. I clean up my house when I don't feel like it because I know it's good to do. I also rest and go to bed when I'm tired because I know it's good for me. I gave up refined sugar and I read my Bible and have intentional time with God (almost) every day. And many more things.
Three months ago that all felt impossible, truly. And now it seems to flow with little effort. Of course I continue to make choices and resist things, but I have found a new strength to choose and resist. I feel like that strength is a present from God to me and I'm so thankful! I still don't always wake up early enough or have the best attitude. But my success rate has sky-rocketed and I feel like a successful person.
And you know what the secret behind this success is? You want to know how you can also be successful and conquer the things that have been dragging you down for way too many years?
Get real with your weaknesses. Realize that you don't have the power to fix them, because otherwise you wouldn't be weak in that area anymore. Open up with the right people and most important, open it up with God. Invite Him to teach you victory. He longs to! He's like, 'Come on guys! You don't have to be defeated anymore! I have all you need for victory, just invite me in and take my hand and I will lead you out of the desert to the promised land.'
It's for real. His promise is real and true: I can, 'do all things through Christ who gives me strength'.